Feedback rules: Do I really need them?
The right communication is crucial – at work and in private life. Feedback rules play an important role here.
Why is that?
Quite simply, they not only promote an open and honest discussion climate. They also ensure that you and your counterpart can understand each other better and develop further.
A win-win, right?
The 10 commandments of feedback
You’re not sure whether the feedback you’re giving is really being received by the other person?
Don’t panic. Our 10 feedback rules will help you to add depth, clarity and respect to your conversations.
Let’s go.
Feedback rule #1: Be specific and constructive
When you give feedback, it is important that you are precise and targeted.
Avoid general statements such as: “Your work is not good enough.” Instead, try to describe exactly what could be improved and how.
That makes your feedback valuable and helpful.
For example
Instead of “Your report is bad”, you could say:
“Your report would be even more meaningful if you included more data and elaborated your conclusions in more detail.”
Feedback rule #2: Give feedback in real time
Always give feedback as soon as possible while the event you are referring to is still fresh in your mind.
This allows the person to remember better and implement the feedback more effectively.
For example
If an employee dominates the conversation in a meeting, it would be better to address them directly afterwards. And not wait until the next appraisal interview.
You could say: “I noticed that you talked a lot in today’s session. It would be great if you could give others more space to share their ideas in the future.”
Feedback rule #3: Emphasize the action, not the person
Focus on the behavior that needs improvement, not the person themselves.
This will prevent the person from feeling attacked or devalued.
For example
Instead of saying “You’re unpunctual”, you could use constructive language:
“I’ve noticed that you’ve been late a lot in the last few days. This can disrupt the workflow. Let’s find a solution together to avoid this in the future.”
Feedback rule #4: Use "I" messages
If you use “I” statements instead of “you” statements, you can prevent the other person from feeling attacked.
In this way, feedback is perceived as a personal perception rather than a universal truth.
For example
Instead of saying “You never listen”, you could say:
“I sometimes don’t feel heard when I get the feeling that you’re distracted during our conversations. Could we find a way to improve that?”
Feedback rule #5: Feedback should be balanced
Nobody is perfect, and nobody does everything wrong.
By emphasizing both the positive aspects and the potential for improvement, you ensure that your feedback is fair and motivating.
For example
Instead of just saying “You make too many mistakes in your reports”, you could phrase it like this:
“I appreciate the depth of your analysis in your reports. However, it would be helpful if you could pay more attention to accuracy to avoid mistakes.”
Feedback rule #6: Be open to questions and discussion
Feedback is a dialog, not a one-way street.
Be prepared to answer questions to clarify misunderstandings and invite discussion.
For example
After you have given your feedback, you could add:
“These are my thoughts and perceptions, and I’m open to discussing them or answering any other questions you may have.
I want to make sure that we both feel comfortable with the situation and that we can find ways to improve together.”
Feedback rule #7: Emphasize the impact of the behavior
Instead of just saying what is wrong, explain how this behavior affects others.
This helps the person to better understand the consequences of their actions and motivates them to change.
For example
Instead of saying “You’re always late”, you could explain:
“If you’re late, it will shift our schedule. This can lead to others having to delay their tasks.”
Feedback rule #8: Choose the right time and place
Feedback should always be given at the right time and in the right place.
Avoid expressing criticism in a group situation and make sure the person is open to the conversation.
For example
If you notice that a team member has made a mistake in a meeting, it would not be appropriate to address this immediately in the group.
It is better to take the person aside afterwards and tell them in a private conversation:
“I noticed that a mistake was made in today’s meeting. Let’s talk about it and see how we can avoid this in the future.”
“The most effective feedback is the one you ask for directly“.
Benjamin Blum (Leiter Human Resources & Mitglied der Geschäftsleitung) von Arlewo
Feedback rule #9: Avoid generalization
Avoid statements like “You always do that” or “You never …”.
This will ensure that your feedback remains specific and focused on the specific behavior rather than criticizing the person as a whole.
For example
Instead of saying “You’re always late”, you could say:
“I’ve noticed that you’ve been late for work several times in the last week. Let’s talk about it and see how we can improve it in the future.”
Feedback rule #10: Offer solutions, not just criticism
Good feedback always includes suggestions for improvement and not just highlighting mistakes.
This gives the other person the chance to change their behavior and grow.
For example
Instead of simply saying “Your presentations are too long and boring”, you could suggest:
“I think your presentations could be even more powerful if you keep them shorter and include more visual elements to keep the audience interested.”
Bonus round: Accepting feedback correctly
If you apply our 10 feedback rules, you will become a master at giving feedback. But receiving feedback is also an art in itself. In conclusion, here are four points that will help you:
- Keep an open mind: It’s natural to feel defensive when you receive critical feedback. But try to keep an open mind and see the feedback as an opportunity to improve.
- Listen actively: Show that you are really listening by maintaining eye contact and asking questions if necessary. This way you can make sure that you have fully understood the feedback.
- Say thank you: Feedback sometimes hurts. Say thank you anyway. This shows that you appreciate that someone has taken the time to help you improve.
- Act: Demonstrate that you are taking the feedback seriously by taking action to improve the behavior or situation being addressed.
